Social Isolation

Posted: September 9th, 2013

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Social Isolation

I isolated myself within the confines of my bedroom. I did this in the evening when I had completed most of the chores for the day. My time in confinement did not last long, as I was only able to endure it for three hours. However, this was longer than I had expected it to be before beginning the assignment. Before starting the exercise, I thought that I would last for only two hours. I imagined myself without having anything to occupy my time, and I thought that I would actually stretch my limits, confining myself for two hours. I did not think I would last long, especially because I had no music, literature, internet, or phone. I usually spend most of my time with these items when I do not have any classes to attend. At first, I spent my time looking at the walls, thinking of how much I wanted to do something. The time in confinement was easier than I had anticipated. This was because I started thinking of different issues and events, and I realized that I could take advantage of the time I had to think about constructive things.

I thought of many things during my confinement time, none of which seemed to follow a defined direction. I thought of the events that had transpired during the day, all the things I had done during the day, the words I had spoken, the people I had met, and even what I had learnt in class. I found myself reflecting on the conversations I had had during the day. I especially thought of the mistakes I had committed and the negative statements I had made. I then thought of the opportunities that I had missed to express what I felt concerning specific situations. I started acting out the conversations I had had, and I started reflecting on what I could have done differently. I thought of the different answers I could have offered to the questions that I had been asked. I started imagining being asked the same questions by the same person or by different people, and I formulated the answers I would give if that were to happen again.

I also thought of the reactions I elicited when I was told something. I wondered whether I had reacted in the appropriate manner, and what the other person thought because of my reaction. I started thinking of the things that I had not done or said which I would have. I started imagining myself in the same situations, and I started thinking of the different reactions I would have shown. I then thought of all the things that I had learned in all my classes that day. I thought of all the instructors and the students I had interacted with during the day. I began asking myself questions regarding the classes I had taken, and I realized that I could not remember most of what the instructors had taught.

I think the purpose of this assignment is for us to identify and acknowledge who we are, when other people are not present. It is intended to help us define our identity when have absolute freedom in all the decisions that we make. The assignment is intended to help us realize our true and pure identity when there are no external influences and actors present. That is the message that I got when I started thinking about the events that had happened during the day. I started thinking that I were given a choice, I would talk and behave differently. I think that perhaps I would not have made the choices that I had made were I in a different setting. I would not have made these choices if I had all the freedom, and if I was not worried of the consequences of my actions. The conversations I had had with different people were largely influenced by the environment, and the conscious nature within me that prevented me from telling them all the things that I thought. I realized that when I was talking to people, I was conscious of what they were thinking about me at the time. Moreover, I was conscious of my feelings and reactions towards them. Therefore, I gave them the answers they wanted to hear, showed them the reactions they expected from me, and asked them the questions they would expect me to ask them.

The assignment is intended to examine my identity fully, and realize that it is not as stable as I would want it to be. Even if I claim autonomy in the decisions that I make, I am only in partial control of my actions and thoughts. For instance, I may identify myself with a certain personality and use certain characteristics to define myself, but this is subject to change as I interact with other people, and as I encounter different situations. Even if I consider myself headstrong and unrelenting, I will present a different picture to another person who has seen me in different circumstances, such as when I have to compromise and fabricate the truth, in an attempt to save face. This action shows how much I change based on the circumstances that I am facing.